when phone and nap collide

I hate the telephone.

I love sleep.

You see where this is going.

Whenever I’m woken by a ringing phone I seethe with an irrational anger. I don’t answer the phone, of course (I never do, even when awake) — I just lay there, hissing curses.

“Thank you for admitting you’re irrational,” my wife said — but I’ve always recognized that my anger is completely unwarranted. How was the caller supposed to know I was down for an afternoon nap? Still, understanding that doesn’t negate the emotion.

Of course my poor sister-in-law didn’t know this about me. So she was quite sincere the other day when she told me, “I just woke up my friend from a nap. I didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to call — it’s the middle of the afternoon! What should I do?”

“Well,” I said, “you should begin by begging God for forgiveness.”

Her eyes bugged out.

“And the next time you see him,” I continue, “tell him you’ll understand if he never wants to be your friend again.”