Shut up. I know my rights:
I. You will maintain gainful employment to pay for my health care and unemployment.
II. You will spend more than you earn in order to keep my economy strong.
III. You will bail me out of the bad investments I make.
IV. You will rebuild my home again and again so I can continue living in an area prone to natural disaster.
V. You will evacuate your home for a price I decide is fair so I can use your land to make money.
VI. Your children will be required to pass perpetual multiple choice tests in order to keep my property value high.
VII. You will end the war on drugs so I can incapacitate myself until I am a drooling ward of the state.
VIII. You will affirm and defend every sexual preference I develop, no matter how unusual.
IX. You will pay to clone and destroy human beings in the hope of finding a cure for any ailment that may afflict me.
X. You will pay for my lifelong room, board, health care, education, entertainment and legal services after I murder your loved ones.
XI. You will listen to news sources slanted only with my viewpoint.
XII. You will defend the free speech of everyone who agrees with my views, and drown out the voice of anyone who questions them.
XIII. If you disagree with me in any way, you are the Worst Person Ever, Hitler and Osama bin Laden combined.
God bless America!