random thoughts

Hope hurts.

Protest without sacrifice is no protest.

“It is my nature to think where others read, to ask less whether the world agrees with me than whether I agree with the truth; and to hold cheap the rumor and applause of the multitude.”
- Thomas Sydenham

Why doesn’t Daylight Savings Time happen on Friday night instead of Saturday? An extra day of adjustment before returning to work on Monday would be appreciated.

So much left unsaid …

Bloggers love introducing other people to blogging.

The funny thing about people who don’t believe in regret: they don’t extend the same privilege to others. Go ahead, insult them; slap them in the face; steal their money. They won’t deem these acts valuable learning experiences for you.

Horseradish + English muffin = ouch!

I’m thinking my teeth need more bling.

Why do we call it the Lord’s Supper? A sliver of cracker and a slurp of juice don’t even qualify as a snack. Why not the Lord’s Sample, or the Lord’s Taste Test?

Forget TV — I wish my life had Tivo.

In our house we go for the “distressed” furniture look. With two kids we pretty much have to.

My favorite kind of sinus pressure is when you can feel your pulse pounding inside your teeth.

The act of returning a toy to its place calls it to a child’s attention … necessitating its retrieval from said place.

Atheism is a nation with a Census Bureau but no Constitution.

Everything ebbs and flows.

Who has time for TV?

I believe in equality … not the NAACP.

I don’t believe in dust jackets. The moment a new book enters my home, the jacket lands in the trash.

As if raising a kid isn’t hard enough, the rules keep changing.

Pilots must get bored up there — they didn’t take all those flying lessons to run bus routes. I say everyone on the plane votes, and if it’s unanimous, the pilots get to pull a full stunts.

Big kids ruin everything.

Attack me for something I think, not for something I don’t.

A broken odometer may do wonders for your car’s resale value, but it kills your gas mileage.

Life is obligation.

Life’s too short to take stairs one at a time.

Ahh, spring. Time to throw open the windows and inhale the neighbor’s secondhand smoke.

No man says, “We’ll get through this together.” Totally a woman thing.

You can’t drop everything to help others without teaching them your life’s less important than theirs. This inspires humility in some, and validates the egotism of others.

The more I read on the internet, the less it matters.

What other holiday is as vacuous as New Year’s digit flip? Even Talk Like a Pirate Day celebrates a colorful literary heritage.

Hussein is dead. Now hark: American zealots clamoring to hang Bush.

Every time I fix my house, I break my house.

I need a donut.

Given the choice between caution and convenience — well, let’s just say it’s a miracle if caution even gets a word in.

As a dog returns to its vomit, so a son returns to his chewed-up and spat-out hot dog.

It doesn’t take a multimillion-dollar budget to tell a good story.

Winter’s coming. Ever gone a whole day without seeing sunlight? Yeesh.

“Worst President Ever.” So you mean that, out of all of the nation’s Democrats, not one could be found to prevent the Worst President Ever from being reelected?

Why do they always leave one side of a set of double doors locked?

Horror movie commercials look pretty silly on mute.

Pray with one eye closed, and one open.

Data lies.

What a remarkable place, the internet. No matter what you say, someone’s right there calling you a fool.

Someone needs to invent one of those dental saliva sucker straws for nasal congestion. Slurrrp! — instant relief.

What if your mother was right about you?

“Athlete’s foot.” Chalk that term up to some PR-savvy doctor. What self-respecting man would own up to wussy foot or tickly toes? It’s a lot cooler to admit you have jock itch than dork itch — or worse yet, personal discomfort.

It’s the 21st Century — isn’t it about time we make a pair of denim jeans that don’t wear out and split in the knees?

If I could paint, I would paint clouds.

Maybe it’s a form of optimism: whenever a song I like comes on the radio, I quickly scan the other stations to make sure something I like even better isn’t playing somewhere else.

Democrats want to protect us from big business. Republicans want to protect us from big government. Is it really that difficult to figure out that we need protection from both?

Life’s too short to finish reading dull books.

Question Israel.

Humanize your enemy.

Ever notice the dentist hides the needle before sticking it in your mouth? There’s a reason — that sucker’s long!

Helium balloon versus ceiling fan is an ugly fight — and not as one-sided as you might think (the balloon tends to win).

My son’s favorite food? Whatever his daddy’s eating.

Is it a kiss if it doesn’t make that MWAH sound? Try giving a kiss that’s perfectly silent. Doesn’t sound right, does it?

As a teacher of teachers I can tell you: nobody knows how to wheedle for points like a teacher.

Even hunters talk about protecting the environment. You want nature to be fresh, pristine, untouched when you’re out there killing wildlife.

Alarm clocks must have been invented soon after birth control.

So what is nougat, anyway?

Good thing a baby’s saliva doesn’t eat through clothing. I wouldn’t have a thing to wear.