reactions may vary

This isn’t how I’d want to hear it.

A pass out of class, summoned mysteriously to the media center.

Corralled toward tables with dozens of classmates, whispering, searching each others’ eyes for a clue.

In their upright clothes, adults — administrators, counselors, absolute strangers — stand around the perimeter, somber yet chummy: the public school system crisis team in full force, assembled and ready.

Waiting for “everyone” (whoever that is) to arrive, wondering at the common thread between us all.

Then the cleared throat, the single sheet of plain white photocopy stock, the authoritative recital:

We have some sad news to share with you that some of you may not have heard. On [INSERT DATE], [INSERT NAME], a [INSERT GRADE LEVEL] in our school, died suddenly. [INSERT ONE SHORT, PASSIVE VOICE, NONCOMMITTAL, ZERO-BLAME SENTENCE ABOUT CAUSE OF DEATH.] We will need to wait for an investigation to be completed before we can know more.

We are never prepared to deal with an unexpected loss such as this, and doing so may take some time. When we hear sad news like this, lots of people feel many different emotions — sadness, anger, confusion, helplessness, guilt. All of these feelings are normal. Reactions to death may vary for each of you. Members of our counseling staff will be available in the media center if you feel you would like to talk to someone. Your teacher will sign your agenda book to let you come down to the media center.

At this time we do not have information about funeral services.

A pause for questions. As if.

Statement delivered, they stand there, watching, adult eyes fixed on us, looking for — what? A crack of emotion? A “normal” response? Shall we distribute the candles right here and sing Kum Bah Ya?

No one walks up to them. No one makes eye contact. A few sniffle, a few whisper; most wonder how long until we can return to class, please.

It’s not a crisis management event. It’s not a grief counseling session.

It is death.

School has nothing to say in its face.

getting a student’s attention

Ralph’s first essay of the year left something to be desired.

Your sentences are full of comma splices, I wrote. The revision is due next week. Please stop by after school before then so we can work on fixing them.

The class was Honors English. Ralph was a junior, and by that point he really shouldn’t have been mashing sentences together with commas as if periods didn’t exist. My remark and the many “CS” circles on his paper should have prompted him to accept my help.

After school, every day that week, I waited for Ralph. He never showed.

college board: it’s the procedure, stupid!

“We just need you to hold our hands,” they said.  “We’ve never done anything like this before – an audit, submitting our syllabi online.  We want you there to make sure there aren’t any mistakes.”

So plead our two AP World Languages teachers.  College Board (proud creators of the SAT) conducts periodic audits of schools to ensure their AP courses meet standards for college credit.  This year it’s our turn, and some of our teachers are jittery.

In the World Languages office I sit with Señora Español, who shows me a College Board letter with directions for online syllabus submission.  Frankly it’s intimidating: secure website, lengthy requirements for file preparation, warnings that syllabi once submitted may not be retracted.  No wonder these teachers want my help.

the problem with american education

For a perfect illustration of what is wrong with American education, look no farther than the following article. In fact, let’s see how well you do with “[making] inferences from reading material” — one of the measures of a proficient reading level.

What assumption is made by this article’s writer, and by every person quoted in it? (Answer follows.)

CNN: Improving grades, low test scores aren’t matching up

Two federal reports out Thursday offer conflicting messages about how well high-schoolers are doing academically.

One showed that seniors did poorly on national math and reading tests.

The other — a review of high school transcripts from 2005 graduates — showed students earning more credits, taking more challenging courses and getting better grades.

“The reality is that the results don’t square,” said Darvin Winick, chair of the independent National Assessment Governing Board, which oversees the tests.

english on testosterone

Ooh, I've got a dirty secret to tell.

In my first year of teaching, an unruly student called me a faggot in the middle of class. He just yelled it out, right in front of everyone: "You're such a faggot!" Apparently no man can love literature and also be straight.

That's not the dirty secret.

When I was a National Honor Society advisor, I presided over induction ceremonies where more than two thirds of the new members were girls. Where were the boys? Was this discrimination? No. The simple truth was that fewer boys met NHS qualifications than girls.

That's not the dirty secret either. It does, however, lead into this still-not-the-dirty-secret-but-getting-closer article about gender and academic performance:

CNN: Study: Academic gains for women, stagnation for men

Women now earn the majority of diplomas in fields men used to dominate — from biology to business — and have caught up in pursuit of law, medicine and other advanced degrees.

better think twice

(Inspired by Lessie.)

Commotion in the hallway: laughter, yelling, hoots. A young man bolts into the Media Center, hollering over his shoulder. I step over and usher him back out.

A minute later I'm across the room when I hear two staff members insisting, "You can't cut through here!" That's the rule, dumb as it is — no using the Media Center as a shortcut between classes — and here's the same young man trudging across, arms folded inward, head tucked down, ignoring them.

I flick on my Teacher Authority Voice and bellow: "Excuse me! You need to come back and go around!" Without a flinch he keeps walking. Let him go? A rule is a rule, and considering his insolent body language, it's time to enforce this one. Quickly I move ahead of him and extend my arms to block his path (not the most professional move, but I'm ticked).

He pushes right through me.

data lies

I earned my driver's license at age sixteen in Virginia. Then my family moved to New Jersey: driving age, seventeen. I'd be permitted to keep my license as long as I passed the test.

I'd been driving for months. I took the test. I failed it.

Stupid multiple-choice test. What did that measure about my driving ability?

I should've retaken it, but refused. Instead I drove for two years on that out-of-state license until I went out of state for college. (Why my parents let me get away with that I have no idea.)

waaay beyond footloose

Talk about guts:

CNN: Long Island principal cancels prom

Note that it was a Catholic high school, not public. You couldn’t get away with that kind of courage in a public school.

This principal is a hero. All of his critics should try chaperoning a high school dance. As a teacher, I’m frequently asked to serve as a chaperone, but I’ve begun to refuse because dancing has become obscene. Why should adults sponsor an activity where teenagers simulate sex in public?

It’s time schools take a step back toward their original purpose: education, not socialization. The “dancing” can be done elsewhere.

the grinding gears of education

This is what happens when you hand education off to a computer — software glitches block students from graduating:

CNN: Group that graded tests wrong offers scholarships

Regardless of advances in educational technology, the learning process fundamentally is, has been, and always will be a function of human relationships. Remove the human factor, and watch kids get ground up between the machinery gears.

Education isn’t about data, though bureacrats would like it to be. Education is about people.